This self-centered way of living is pulling us away from each other day by day. It’s not that people aren’t talking, it’s more that people are not listening because they’ve become less interested, too occupied with themselves, or simply don't have the capacity anymore to listen intently for a longer period of time. The more we want to distance ourselves and take control of conversations, the more we isolate ourselves. Yet, these connections are superficial because what really happens is that our lack of real connections gives birth to isolation. We may be connected to our families, friends, co-workers, and acquaintances. It makes us feel in control and connected, but we’re really not. When we are vulnerable, lonely, and afraid of intimacy, technology plays our best friend. We are starting to lose our confidence in each other, so we turn to social robots. It makes us think that people out there care. That’s why people flock to Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter - we love getting the “likes” and we have automatic listeners. Moreover, we seek validation and so, when we can’t find this validation in our real-life connections, we seek it elsewhere. We damage our ability to relate to other people, and as a result, we impair our capacity for self-reflection. We don’t only shortchange the people we’re talking to, we are also shortchanging ourselves. However, the real conversations we’re sacrificing come at a price. Human conversations are now deemed to be demanding, and we avoid that with the convenience of technology. We can edit, retouch, and delete and present ourselves the way we want to. We like having control of the avatar we put out there. The latter can be hidden when interacting on the phone and is harder to hide when you are in the presence of someone else. This is compared to real-time conversations where people lose their ability to be present, to take the other one in, to not think about themselves, and to be vulnerable. When online conversations happen, people have time to think about what to say. The online world provides both control and distance. This effect explains why we want to be with each other but at a distance. That same control gave birth to what she called the Goldilocks effect: not too close, not too far, just right (5:36). Why? Turkle said it’s about having control over where we put our attention to. We want to be with each other and when we are, we also want to be elsewhere, like shopping on our phones or checking our social media profiles. One of the points she made was that humans like to be alone together (4:05). It was back in 2012 when Sherry Turkle, the Abby Rockefeller Mauzé Professor of the Social Studies of Science and Technology at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, gave a TEDTalk titled “ Connected, But Alone (19:33 minutes).” Eight years later, it’s surprising to see that we have not overcome the problems she spoke about, and if anything, connections and conversations have gotten worse. Why are deep, authentic, and meaningful conversations hard to come by nowadays? What keeps us from truly engaging with someone? What has changed and why are we holding back? Isn’t it ironic that even though we now have more means to keep in touch, we still find ourselves disconnected from one another? Here are some thoughts to ponder. "All problems exist in the absence of conversation.” - Thomas Leonard
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